Confidence! How To Build Confidence Like A Pro!
How to build your confidence in 10 steps!
Notice I didn’t say “in 10 EASY steps”, because it’s not easy, and it takes constant work. That’s okay though! You know why? Because these steps will give you long lasting confidence, unlike pretending to be someone you’re not and altering your body. Changing your body every time beauty standards change is expensive, dangerous, and reinforcing false beliefs about beauty.
You know what’s really beautiful? You and your natural self. Rock it, and don’t be afraid!
This brings me to my first step to confidence…
1. Stop comparing yourself to others by letting go of societal beauty standards
I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH! Wow! This is a really tough one! Everyone is bombarded with constant expectations of beauty. The internet, news, social media, billboards, television, advertisements, and everything else…tells you what to look like. They tell you that if you don’t fit this description, then you’re not beautiful. THIS IS A BIG FAT LIE.
In turn, the emphasis on physical beauty makes us believe that beauty is what’s most important about ourselves. Let me tell you, you have so much more to you, than what you look like.
Are you a mother, or father? Maybe a sibling or cousin? Do you have a career and hobbies? What do you do to inspire others, or teach them? What have you created lately?
You don’t have to be fit, thin, muscular, tall, tan, or a damn supermodel to be beautiful. You are beautiful just the way you are. LET ME REPEAT.
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL JUST THE WAY YOU ARE, DAMMIT!
And I’m not going to lie to you, I have always struggled with this. I always wanted to be skinnier, taller, and tanner, a thinner nose, bigger lips, longer hair, and bigger curves.
Admitting this is difficult but I wanted a thinner nose so bad when I was younger that I started planning my plastic surgery appointment for when I graduated high school.
How sad! How sad that I hated my nose so much that I wanted to cut part of it off! The insanity! That poor child. I’m so glad I don’t feel that way anymore.
It’s difficult to live in a world where we’re constantly told we’re not good enough. I’m here to tell you that you are beautiful, and have compassion for yourself.
2. Think positively
Practice makes perfect! Leave out the negative self talk. If you find yourself ridiculing yourself, STOP! Change that negative into a positive.
Instead of saying, “I ate like a pig today”, say something more forgiving like, “I ate some bomb ass foods today, and it was delicious!”
Change this, “Gosh I wish I was skinny like her”, to this, “That woman over there is beautiful, and so am I.”
Instead of saying, “If I don’t make (x) amount of money this year, I’m worthless”, say this “I worked hard for everything I’ve earned this year, and I will continue to do my best.”
Like I said, it takes practice to rewire those negatives into positives, but it will change your life. Also, don’t be too hard on yourself. We all slip up sometimes. When you find yourself thinking bad thoughts, acknowledge it, let it go, change it into a positive. Change is often uncomfortable and needs constant reminders.
3. Learn confident body language
Describe yourself as you walk into a room full of strangers. Are you quiet and reserved? Do you stand in the back of the room? Do you hide next to your friends the whole time?
Now imagine what you would look like if you walked in there like you owned that place. You’re probably standing tall, head high, smiling, and going somewhere with a purpose. You grab yourself a drink, and go make conversation!
Ahhh yes. That sounds better doesn’t it?
Stand tall with your shoulders back.
Put your head up high and smile.
Relax your arms and try not to fidget.
Give people eye contact, and not for like, 1 millionth of a second. Give this a try! Learn the eye color of everyone you meet. This allows enough time to show that you’re confident, but not being a creeper at the same time.
Remember people’s names when they tell you. Repeat it back to them. This shows them that you’re listening and attentive. Also, this will make conversation a lot less awkward the next time you meet.
4. Compliment yourself
Go stand in front of the mirror, and tell yourself that you’re beautiful. Tell yourself all the great things about yourself. It may seem silly now, but trust me, it gets better. Mention how awesome your hair looks today, or how cute your smile is.
If you can’t think of anything, no worries! Remind yourself of the compliments you’ve received in the past. Talk to yourself like your best friend or loved one would describe you. You are always your toughest critic, so be forgiving.
5. Pull yourself together
Take a shower, put on your favorite clothes, slap on some lipstick (if you’re into that sort of thing) and present yourself with care and respect.
Maybe this is just me, but I don’t feel too terribly confident when I first wake up in the morning. Why? Like most people, I smell bad and I look like a hot mess.
This is what I do. I get ready every day, with the mindset that I’m ready to open the door when an unexpected guest stops by. This means I take a shower, wash my face, brush my hair, brush my teeth, and put some acceptable clothes on. Heels and a dress? Heck no. Work out clothes? Absolutely. My favorite polar bear pajama pants? I don’t think so.
Just enough to make yourself feel good.
6. Give yourself a pep talk in the mirror
Today’s the day! You’re giving a presentation in class, taking an exam, negotiating a raise with your boss, or meeting a date at the coffee shop. What do you do?
Be your own cheerleader! GO TEAM ME! 🙂
Get in front of your mirror, do a power stance for a few minutes, and give yourself a pep talk!
Tell yourself all the reasons you’re going to perform your best. Tell yourself that you deserve the good things coming your way, and there’s no reason to be scared. Bounce around and be goofy with it! This is intended to force out the nerves, and give yourself a confidence boost!
7. Set personal goals and go get them
What do you want out of today, the week, the month, and the year?
Health goals? Career goals? House cleaning goals? Hobby goals? Relationship goals? DIY projects goals? The number of dogs you need goal?
Write these down. Take the necessary steps to get you there. Check in with your progress every day, and reward yourself for being an awesome human being!
You will feel amazing once you’ve set goals and accomplished them. This will help you build confidence in yourself and your abilities.
8. Accept that you make mistakes and forgive yourself
If you don’t transform into the most amazingly confident person by tomorrow, that’s okay! I can’t speak for everyone, but I believe building confidence is an ongoing task. We are always learning new things, and progressing in our activities.
We are all human, and we all make mistakes. Embrace this and learn from it. Don’t let minor setbacks knock you down.
9. Do what makes you happy and be true to yourself
You are an individual. You are a combination of unique and interesting traits. No one else is better at being you, than you! So don’t fall into the crowd, and do what everyone else is doing. Find your passion and pursue it. Be brave and be yourself.
Pretending to be someone else will only make you unhappy and uncomfortable. Pretending to be someone else is not the truth. The truth is something you can speak confidently of, and be confident with.
10. Fake it till you make it
Yikes! Did I just say that? Hear me out.
A few seconds of bravery can take you farther than you expected. If all else fails, and you just can’t find confidence, do this…
Practice confidence (even when you don’t have it), and build actual confidence.
My true and tried example:
I walked to the front of my classroom and began my presentation. Even though I wasn’t feeling confident…I stood up there, spoke loudly, smiled, walked around, and radiated confidence.
A few seconds of forcing myself to be confident paid off, and allowed me to rock that presentation.
The more you practice, the more you’ll believe it.
So get out there and share with the world how amazing you are!
Major Take Aways From Today:
- Do not, I repeat DO NOT compare yourself to others.
- Change your negatives into positives.
- Forgive yourself for not being perfect, none of us are.
What are some things you do to feel confident?
Share with me in the comments!